Beech Tree News Network

Here I go a-yondering again. Dad gum my wild soul.  Have you seen the new T.V. ad about Duluth Buck Naked Underwear? … “guaranteed not to bind, rideup, shrink or stink.”
“Feels like you ain’t wearing nothing underneath:  And this thing of not smelling bad, wonder how they pull that off?  That’d be like finding a cure for BUNK’UM CARBIDEUS or ALKALIDGENESE VISCOSIS.
For years I’ve wondered why first wife Bett could smell and taste things I couldn’t. This or that tastes funny, she would say.
Taste good to me,” I would say.
Answer: Recently I saw where the female has 200 more taste buds than a male.  They also “smell better” than a male (pun intended). That’s why they can smell a mouse.  Look out boys.  You’d better behave.
Sometimes Southerners are thought to be dumb because of the way we talk… and ehy we use 20 words when 3 will do better.
How dumb are Southerners? Well let’s see: A medical doctor in the south invented air conditioning.  This to cool his hospital patients during the hot summer months. (yellow fever)
A guy from Chattanooga, Tennessee invented the wrecker- now called a tow truck.
His neighbor was forever getting his model-T Ford car stuck in the mud.  This guy (the puller) had a Cadillac, more powerful than the model-T, with which he extracted his neighbor (the pullee) from a mud hole many times.
This gave the puller the idea of a wrecker.  He cut the back body of his Cadillac, built a steel A-frame with some chains and pulleys, he built his wrecker.  He went on to become a millionaire selling tow trucks to the U.S. Army.
A southerner called Carbine Williams, his first name escapes me, while an inmate in an Alabama prison, invented the Carbine 30/30 rife, smaller than the M-I rifle of World War II.  The G.I.s called it a car-bean.  It was handy in close combat.
When the call went out for landing craft in World War II, a boat builder in Louisiana came up with the idea of a large flat bottomed boat with ramps that dropped to get soldiers on to the beaches quickly.
Of all the offers submitted, the government liked his best. If you have ever seen movies of the D-Day Normandy invasion in June 1944, you saw hundreds of these Higgins landing craft come ashore to disgorge troops.
The brave Higgins boat drivers, coxswains, sat up high in the stern, exposed to shore gunfire, made round trips, after round trips, from the mother ship to the shore.  There were 2,000 U.S. troops killed in the D-Day Invasion. No doubt many were Navy coxswains.
Some made it home.  One was Yoggi Barrow, of the New York Yankees baseball team.  Another was country music star, Ferlin Husky.  Yoggi and Ferlin were both Missouri boys.
Kindest regards…